Lately, I have been looking for new work. I’ve been applying and applying with very little response. So, I thought I would post my cover letter here to fetch responses for improvements on my style.
Dear Prospective Employer – My name is Josh Bettenhausen. I am in search of an opportunity for employment with a company of your caliber. It has come to my attention that you have had a change of leadership. Word on the street is, your new visionary leader is AMAZING! Amazing is what I want to be a part of. As amazing leader of such a great company, you will need people like me. Foul mouthed, overly excitable and extremely loyal. . . oh, yeah I don’t need alot of supervision to accomplish my duties either. Actually, you probably don’t want to know what I’m doing while I’m completing the tasks, so supervising me is pretty much out of the question. But I promise I get stuff done correctly, on-time and under budget.
I am a self-starter as well as a self-lover. I make love to myself regularly, so I do require extra time alone throughout the day, but I make up for it by putting extra hours in during the evening and weekends. I’m not afraid of working. Usually, by the fourth or fifth self-love, I’m working for it. But I promise you, wring every last bit out of myself to accomplish my goals. I work like a dog with a bone. Do you like bones too?
My skill set can intimidate. I have shown other prospective employers my skill set and they have been intimidated. But not you. I can see you are strong leader who wants their employees to have skill sets like mine. If I were to gain a position within your AMAZING company, I promise I wouldn’t flaunt my skill set. I’d put it to work satisfying our clients and making sure they spread my skill set mouth to mouth. They say skill set to mouth is the best marketing possible for a company. I’m sure as you take over a company that has seen better days, a skill set like mine would really impress. And mouth to mouth is the path we can succeed.
In conclusion, I would like to speak to you about a position within your company. I would be willing to talk about any opportunity you may have big or small. I prefer the big ones, but small ones can get the job done too. I think you are an amazing leader of a once proud company and look forward to a partnership in future.
Thank you for your time.
1 comment
Comment by CB
CB January 17, 2015 at 9:13 pm
If only they had a sense of humor….good stuff. I hope you can find something.